Interlude.

I want to update this, but I don't know what to say. Maybe an apology is a good idea.

I'm sorry. If I'm acting wierd, I'm sorry. I'm not sleeping right anymore, and I decided a few days ago to go back on a certain medication I never should have stopped taking in the first place. If I look sort of blank or don't talk all that much, it's not that anything's wrong. It's just that I'm not feeling.... anything, really. That sounds melodramatic, and it's not what it's really is, but it's the best explanation I have.
Pretty much, I'll be experiencing mood swings for a few days [it started Saturday afternoon, so it'll be over really soon] so it's okay!

It will go away in a few days once my body adjusts to being back on this medication. Blame it on my stupidity.

Certain.

Well, it's not technically my job anymore. But atleast I'm sort of on call. So there's hope of getting paid, when he doesn't need it more. I'm okay with that.





UNRELATED.
I love the friends you can make when you're the only two in a group that do something. Like, secret friendship. Because you know a secret that no one else knows. And it changes someone from "that one kid who sings bass" to "my _______ buddy". So hopefully it will continue. I like this kid. He's fun. And he love Alligator Soul. Super kudos.




UNRELATED.
Everything should be free. Life would be easier. Friends should do things for their friends because it's the right thing to do, not because they want to get money. Because there are some things people won't do without being paid, even though the person they're doing it for has no money to pay them. It sucks.




UNRELATED.
School bites.

Hasty.

What do I have to report?

The celebration is not mine.
The drama is someone else's.
The good news is not to be shared.
The frustration will soon be irrelevant.
The good karma is dissappearing with alarming regularity.


Life just keeps on moving. It makes you wonder how long it will keep moving if you just decide to stop. Everyone around you keeps moving and they rush by, but there you are. Stopped. How long does it take for someone to notice you've stopped? Maybe you've been stopped for so long that you've dug yourself a hole. A comfortable hole. Maybe it's a hole where you can tune people out, where their words mean nothing. But. Maybe there was someone who stopped with you. And maybe their words mean something. Maybe.

Maybe.

Swingin'.

Grawr.

That's all I can really say right now.


I am unhappy not because of anything wrong with my life, but because of my frustration about not being able to help the people around me.
I hate that my best friend is depressed and that I can't do anything about it except get frustrated and worried about him.
I hate that friends from years past are finding their ways back into my life and can only talk to me about "wow, yeah, this person we used to be friends with is a bitch, don't you think so?"


Okay, I guess I am kind of unhappy about my life, too. I've been upsetting my mom a lot lately because I've been talking about how I need to get out of the house. I love her to death, but I need to get away from some of my family members, namely my dad. I'd do anything to make my mom happy, and I really do appreciate the fact that she'll let me stay at home for however long I need, but I just can't stay. Once I get together money and roommates, I have to go.

Which brings up another issue. My job at Albertsons fell through for one reason or another, and 99% sure I finished my last paid day of work at the JC last week, so I'm a bit stuck.
I'M HAVING NO LUCK GETTING HIRED!

My mom's going to help me get my B Tech Liscence so I can get a well paid job at a pharmacy, probably at walgreens or something like that.
Here's to hoping it works.

Doll.

Today was fun.
And music filled.

I have to make sure I have my guitar when Ivan and I have too much time and too little to do after music team. For sure. That jam session was probably the best part of my day.

But so was coffee with Calvin and Ivan.


On another musical note, I've been listening to too much Laura Marling. I like it.

Karma.

My upcoming week. Yay.

Friday:
- Drama Team meeting, 6:30 to 8:30

Saturday:
- Drama Team Costume Shopping with Si!
- Kazba, 6 to 11ish

Sunday:
- Staff Recital (EdCC), 2
- NET Team meeting, 2
- SLT meeting, 3:30
- NET Potluck, 5:30
- NET, 6:15
- Vespers, 8:30

Monday:
- School, 12:30 to 1:30
- Music Team, 4 to 5
- Coffee with Calvin?
- ZOE, 6:30 - 8:45

Tuesday:
- School, 10:30 to 1:30
- Kazba ? 2 - 5

Wednesday:
- School, 12:30 to 1:30
- ZIMA, 6:30 to 8:45

Thursday:
- School, 10:30 to 1:30
- Kazba ? 2 - 5

Friday:
- Middle School Halloween Party, 6:30 to 10:30

Gamblin'.

I love my coffee-hangout time with Calvin and Ivan.

It's nice to talk with people, especially Calvin.
I'm glad we hang out more now.



Yay!