That's how I'm feeling today, and I don't know why.
I did come to an important realization today, however. I fill my life and my schedule with so many things, so much stuff to do, because I don't want the time to reflect. because then I realize that I'm not how I am when I'm around people. If you have a day where you're not required to do something, don't have anything planned, aren't expected somewhere, you have to think. You can avoid it, and I've definately tried today, but you ultimately can't.
My friend calls me a busy bee everytime he asks me how my day was. He always tells me "Wow, you're such a busy bee. I don't know how you pull it off."
And neither do I.
So, when you're forced to think and to reflect, you realize things. I did.
I realized that I hide so much from people. I don't want to face them when they look at me differently. And that's not something you can hide from. They'll always look at you differently.
So, maybe you just need to say everything that'll change their view of you at once, and sit back and watch the changes.
Because the people who change the least are worth keeping around. Where their love for you isn't affected by all the crap in your life that you hide.
I am seventeen years old, I'm clinically depressed, and I'm absolutely terrified by that fact. I have a large amount of friends, but no one that I can really pour my soul out to. I've been yelled at so much and emotionally battered that I can't handle confrontation in the slightest. I've learned to hold everything in so tightly because I can't speak out at home that everything comes unraveled when I let even one piece go. I sometimes get the desire to walk out of my house in the middle of the night and just leave, but then I'll get half a mile down the street and then realize that there's nowhere that I can really escape to at two o'clock in the morning.
Some Sick Parody
8 years ago