scandalous.

i'm scared. too scared to go to work, too scared to get any farther than my front walk if i try to leave my house on my own. wierd things happen for no apparent reason, it seems. i've blacked out atleast four times since yesterday afternoon, and i'm absolutely terrified because i have no idea why and i've been alone most of the time since it started.
i didn't go to work today because i was afraid of passing out on the bus, or worse, on the side of the street.

i hate being scared like this. i spent half an hour sitting on my front steps yesterday waiting for my mom to come home after the first time it happened.
i spent all that time wishing a few certain people would be there with me so i wouldn't be alone, so i wouldn't be afraid of blacking out with no one around. especially those who were mad at me or just too far away.


it's amazing how something like that makes you value people.
so to everyone who i wished was there with me, i love you.
doesn't matter if we've had arguments, or if we just keep coming back to each other over and over again, i love you.